I have these moments, where I find myself acutely aware of how lucky I am to have Ben’s love. He is a genuine person, which is something I rarely see any more and I know for a fact that it’s his life’s mission to find new ways to make me smile.
In the five years we’ve been together, he has never asked me to change anything about myself and because of that he’s helped me to figure out who I really am. I don’t have to censor myself for him or pretend to be interested in shit just to make him happy. However, as it turns out, I like most of the stuff that he’s into.
He is also very patient with me when I’m having anxiety issues. His endurance of my bullshit is actually pretty impressive. He humors me. He lets me rattle off all the completely illogical and impossible scenarios that I think about and always reassures me that everything is fine and everything’s fine and again, everything’s fine.
About 2 summers ago, when the anxiety problems first started, we had tried to go on vacation. I was having multiple panic attacks a day and my counselor told me that whenever I felt anxious, I should exercise to get the adrenaline out. So Ben spent his vacation in Williamsburg locked in the hotel doing jumping jacks with me so i wouldn’t feel so bad.
And then there’s the little shit he does. For instance, everyday he comes home from work with little comics he’s drawn for me throughout the day. Or sometimes he’ll put on ridiculous outfits and sashay around the apartment to cheer me up.
When you have someone like this, and when you’re loved like this, it’s hard to justify complaining about anything.
I have Ben and I have his love. I honestly don’t need anything else.
I need to remember this more.